loneliness

what has been so apparent to me, as of late, is the realization that my life has been plagued with extreme loneliness.  a dark, empty place inside.  it feels as stark and forbidding as a winter day.  


this feeling was supposed to go away when i....
when i graduated.
when i went to college.  
when i moved back home and went to college.
when i dropped out of college.  
when i moved out.  
when i ended one relationship. 
when i started another relationship. 
when i got married.  
when i kicked him out.
when i got divorced.  
when i got married.  
when i moved.
when i got divorced.  
when i moved.
when i dumped someone.
when i found someone.
when i went back to school.
when i got married. 
when i found my birth mother. 
when i had kids.  
when i was not working.  
when i went back to school. 
when i went back to work.  
when i quit.  
when.  
when.  
when.  


never ends.