i cut myself all the time when i was a teenager. i stole razor blades from my dad's workbench. i carved "i hate me" into my left arm when i was about 14 or 15. i pick and scratch. it takes weeks, months for me to heal from a small cut or abrasion. when i am extremely stressed, i pick at my fingernails and rip them off. often i rip them so close that they bleed and intensely throb for days after. it's really gross but i can not stop myself once i start. it gives me a rush. i feel actual physical pain instead of heartache and emptiness. but it doesn't last.
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